Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern

Sh*t My Dad Says
by Justin Halpern
Pub. Date: May 2010
Genre: Memoir
158pp

Synopsis from BN.com:
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started f*cking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Why I Picked It:
I've been following Justin Halpern's Twitter feed (via Facebook) for over a year, anxiously awaiting the book. I just laugh and laugh. Also, will be watching the show.

My Review:
I picked this up from the library yesterday, and finished it while I was doing craft and lunch time with the kids today. Yes, it's a really quick read, and I love this book. The quotes I'm used to seeing online along with stories from Justin's childhood create a picture of a very blunt, but sincerely loving father. I love Sam Halpern!! He's tough, but he's honestly a great father. Tells it like it is, and most people don't, so I find that incredibly refreshing. You certainly always know where you stand with him.

I can't even pick my favorite part. Where Sam starts privately coaching Roger, the outcast kid on the baseball team, and after Roger is pulled off the pitcher's mound crying when an idiot parent on the other teams heckles him relentlessly, Sam lays into that parent. Roger's own dad, it turns out, is a drunk, and his family is a mess.

Or when Justin comes home with a failing progress report. Sam banishes Justin to his room for a week, only allowing him to come out to go to school and the bathroom. Justin yells, "You're putting me in prison!" Sam replies, "Oh spare me, being stuck in your bedroom is not like prison. You don't have to worry about being gang-raped in your bedroom."

But this is where the good part comes in. He punishes Justin, but on the first night of the "imprisonment", he goes in to Justin's room to help "cure this case of the stupids". They go through the math book, one of the subjects Justin is failing, only to find that Justin doesn't have any clue how to do the basics required to solve the problems. The next day, Sam goes to have a chat with the teacher. I want to rehash the entire chapter, but let's just say that Sam ripped that teacher and new one and took care of business for Justin.

The book is hilarious. It's a truly heartwarming (have I mentioned it's FUNNY!) story about a father and his son. It'd make a great gift, or just buy it for yourself to sit and read for interesting parenting advice! I think Justin turned out alright!